I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
