my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
