Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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