walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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