he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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