Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
