why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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