she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My ATM looks so different sober.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
