Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
