Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
don't judge my taste in strippers
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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