my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
