Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
