yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
