you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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