I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
