he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
