Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
