The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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