Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
