genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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