I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
