oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
