so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize