the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
