The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
COCAINE IS GR8
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
