Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
