Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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