420 ftw
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
