how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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