...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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