the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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