I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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