Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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