Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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