found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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