I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
