Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
