I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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