Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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