made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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