We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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