i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Are we still banned from the library?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
