I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
