is your mom at the bar?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
