and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
