if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
