My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She's the barista slut.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
