I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
