I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize