Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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