You can't special order awesome
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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