After last night, I could never be a politician.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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