Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Why did my mother make you get naked?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
