Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
