He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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