i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
