Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize