and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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