So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
