Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
