I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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