Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
