I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
