you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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