THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
