Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
