I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
