WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
