My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
