Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
