He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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