non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
